Toxic positivity is a concept that refers to the excessive and unrealistic emphasis on maintaining a positive mindset. It involves suppressing or avoiding negative emotions, even when they are unhealthy or inappropriate. For example, an encouraging word can make all the difference in times of difficulty, but forcing away negative emotions can actually do more harm than good. And this behavior can often come from the most well-intentioned people.
How does Toxic Positivity manifest? What are its Signs and Actions?
Positivity on its own isn’t toxic. Finding meaning and silver linings in negative experiences is an admirable human trait. However, there’s an entire range of emotions and encounters that people experience, and the positive lessons don’t come from suppressing them. Therefore, it’s helpful to understand what toxic positivity exactly is — because, despite what cynics may say, not all positivity is adverse.
As psychologist Tabitha Kirkland mentioned in an interview with the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology, positivity refers to our inner emotions and the feelings we project outward into the world. She also said it is crucial to recognize that positivity is two different but related emotions. In her words, “Toxic positivity is a way of responding to your own or someone else’s suffering that comes across as a lack of empathy. It dismisses emotions instead of affirming them and could come from a place of discomfort.”
Toxic positivity is the excessive promotion of a positive attitude at the expense of acknowledging and accepting genuine negative emotions and difficult situations. It involves invalidating or dismissing feelings like sadness, anger, or grief, often with well-intentioned but unhelpful phrases like “just be positive” or “look on the bright side.”
With rising Social Trends, Toxic Positivity continues to grow. Here are some Signs and Actions.
Toxic Positivity can often be subtle and indefinite. And learning to recognize the signs and actions can help people identify this behavior. Therefore, let’s discuss four behavioral traits you may have received from someone or have taken towards others.
Dismissing Negative Emotions
Positivity may serve as a coping mechanism to help people reduce stress in daily life. They often try to avoid unpleasant emotions by putting a positive spin on a bad situation. And this might seem like an effective way of coping, but denying or dismissing severe negative emotions can make it more distressing to manage emotions effectively. For example, statements like “Just be positive” or “Don’t be so negative” are used to minimize or brush off someone’s genuine distressful feelings. Then, the unwillingness to engage with or support people going through difficult times because they might bring “negativity” also displays toxic behavior. Dismissing negative emotions or people with negative emotions is a big sign of Toxic Positivity.
Forced Positivity
We all have layers and masks to our personality from the outside world. It is acceptable to not reveal all your “self” to unknown crowds in social settings. However, forcing positivity is toxic. For example, most people appear insincere or inauthentic with their friends, family, and social platforms. They wear an outer mask to hide their inner emotions or struggles to promote “positivity” because they disguise their true feelings. It’s like there’s constant pressure from society to always be upbeat, happy, and optimistic, even in situations where it’s inappropriate or unrealistic.
Avoidance of Real Issues
Another big sign is avoiding genuine emotions in personal or professional life. People consistently avoid discussing or addressing actual problems, preferring to focus on maintaining a “positive” facade instead of finding solutions. They hide their true feelings behind feel-good quotes that seem socially acceptable. These people constantly share or promote positive quotes and affirmations without addressing real-life challenges or emotions. And in some cases, they blame other people or situations to avoid facing their truth.
Lack of Empathy
We cannot change the fact that every person is different. Some people are more empathetic than others because they struggle to empathize with other people’s emotions. However, we can collectively practice empathy or consideration when we do not understand certain things. Today, there’s a lack of genuine understanding or empathy for other people’s struggles or hardships solely due to the stigma attached to negative emotions or negative “vibes.” The society minimizes people’s feelings because they make you uncomfortable and weak. And this behavior, too, qualifies as toxic.
How are Social Trends Influencing Toxic Positivity in the Digital Age?
Toxic Positivity can also manifest as a social trend or cultural phenomenon. In this context, toxic positivity refers to the societal pressure or expectation to maintain an upbeat image on social media platforms and daily life. This trend often leads to some of the following behaviors and consequences.
Superficial Appearance
Many people curate their online personas to display only positive aspects of their lives, creating a facade of constant happiness while hiding their real struggles and negative emotions. On the other hand, some people purposely pretend to have struggled to gain more pitiful followers. The pressure to conform to a trend of abiding positivity or forced positivity can lead to a sense of inauthenticity and disconnect from one’s true self.
Comparison and Insecurity
Secondly, some may feel inadequate or envious when comparing their lives to the seemingly perfect lives portrayed by those adhering to toxic positivity trends in social platforms. And this can lead to unrealistic expectations of maintaining a perpetually positive image, which can contribute to stress, anxiety, and depression, as individuals may feel they must constantly live up to these standards.
Lack of Real Connection
Superficial portrayals can hinder the development of authentic, meaningful connections, both online and offline, as people struggle to relate to and connect with one another on a genuine level. Toxic Positivity in the digital age has further thrown “trust development” under the bus.
Failure to Address Social Issues
Social trends can sometimes deflect attention away from primary social issues and injustices, as people focus on promoting positivity instead of addressing real-world problems. For example, toxic positivity has impacted multiple conflicts among people from diverse communities due to misunderstandings and lack of knowledge. It leads to additional chaos and mischief.
Why is Toxic Positivity harmful to Mental Hygiene? What are its negative consequences?
Too much positivity is toxic because it can harm those going through difficult times. Rather than being able to share genuine human emotions and gain unconditional support, people facing toxic positivity find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated. Then again, why should people with genuine happy emotions hide away or feel guilty about expressing their feelings because of the ones who aren’t?
Ironically, toxic positivity’s dismissive nature isn’t easy to sweep under the rug. Toxic positivity is a form of gaslighting, the term for when someone causes you to question your sense of reality. It can cause people to dissociate themselves from negative feelings, rationalize unacceptable experiences, and even gaslight others. For example, when we insist that people only feel half of their emotional experience, we’re overtly or covertly telling them something is wrong with them for feeling otherwise.
The “positive vibes only” mantra can be particularly grating during intense personal distress. When people are coping with situations such as financial troubles, job loss, illness, or the loss of a loved one, telling them that they need to look on the bright side can seem downright cruel. It is a form of gaslighting because it creates a false narrative of reality, often causing you to question what you think and feel.
In some cases, toxic positivity may even be abusive. For example, an inconsiderate person might use it to devalue, dismiss, and minimize another person’s emotions and experiences. They might even use it as a way to downplay the seriousness of their abusive actions. Additionally, these people often call the victim intensely sensitive or weak for having such feelings.
Impacting Mental Health
Toxic Positivity undermines emotional well-being, interpersonal relationships, and personal development by discouraging the authentic expression of emotions and playing down life’s challenges and difficulties.
Emotional Repression
Toxic Positivity dismisses and invalidates genuine emotions, making people feel that their feelings are wrong or invalid, which can be emotionally damaging. Constantly denying negative emotions can lead to Emotional Repression, which can manifest as anxiety, depression, and long-term psychological distress.
Emotional Repression can also cause people to lose out on healthy coping mechanisms, as they lack the opportunity to address and work through their challenges. It has stressful side effects. For example, when researchers at Boston University had two group participants watch an emotionally-provoking film, the group encouraged to suppress their feelings showed a higher heart rate than those that could react at will. Over time, continually suppressing one’s emotions has physical and psychological effects.
Trigger Shame
Receiving toxic positivity can lead to feelings of shame. It tells people that the emotions they are feeling are unacceptable. For example, telling someone or asking someone to pretend to wear a happy face when they experience painful emotions implies their feelings are inappropriate or invalid. Often, this behavior triggers guilt or shame in the individual, adding to their existing negative experiences. When someone is suffering, they need to know that their emotions are valid and that they can find relief and love in their friends and family.
Guilt, Negative Self-Blame, Identity Crisis, and Isolation
Emotions are all connected to survival in some way. When we ignore what our feelings are trying to tell us, we become less adept and less motivated at using this information to solve problems. If we believe that “it’s all that we make of it,” then we’re less likely to believe in our ability or the need to find a solution.
Being toxically positive can cause feelings of guilt. It sends a message that you are doing something wrong if you aren’t finding a way to feel “positive,” even in the face of tragedy. Feeling guilty or inadequate for not maintaining a positive attitude at all times can negatively impact self-esteem. And this guilt, self-blame, and shame can push people to isolation. People may feel isolated and unsupported when genuine negative emotions are invalidated or dismissed.
Ultimately, all these factors cause people to blame themselves for not being able to maintain positivity, leading to feelings of inadequacy and guilt, which can erode self-esteem, isolation, and an identity crisis.
Lack of Personal Growth
Toxic positivity allows people to avoid feeling things that might be painful. It robs people from facing unpleasant feelings that can ultimately lead to growth and gain deeper insights. Focusing on forced positivity may lead to missing opportunities for personal and emotional development, self-reflection, and problem-solving traits.
Toxic positivity can strain relationships when one person’s genuine emotions are not acknowledged or understood, leading to communication breakdowns and interpersonal conflicts. And avoiding difficulties and setbacks can lead to decreased resilience because individuals are not learning to overcome obstacles effectively. Dismissing negative emotions can prevent individuals from processing and learning from their experiences, which is vital for “Personal Growth.”
How to Avoid or Cope with Toxic Positivity in the Digital Age?
The Digital Age requires us to avoid Toxic Positivity and cultivate authentic human connections for healthy mental well-being. Coping toxic positivity involves adopting a more balanced and empathetic approach to emotions and interpersonal interactions.
Mindfulness and Self-Awareness
Recognize the signs and actions of Toxic Positivity in yourself. Understanding what it is and why it can be harmful is the first step in addressing it. If you notice any negativity, don’t judge yourself; just make a note of it and try to correct yourself. The key to observing our negative feelings is not to lose ourselves in them but to acknowledge the information they provide.
For example, considering your online behavior and the content you consume is the first step in the digital age. Examine the impact of social media and the pressure to project a positive image. Because, guess what? You don’t have to! You can manage your emotions and cognitive abilities more effectively by establishing these mindfulness practices. It has worked wonders for me over the last two or three years.
Prioritize Mental Health
Balance your online presence, and restrict the use of Social Media like a daily routine. You can prioritize and focus on your mental health by limiting your exposure to social media platforms. For example, if digital socialization creates feelings of inadequacy or unrealistic expectations from you, you can take a break, restrict your time, or seek support from health professionals.
On the other hand, you can embrace your vulnerability and encourage open conversations about mental health, struggles, and personal growth. When you normalize vulnerability, it can lead to more authentic and supportive connections.
Normalize Negative Emotions
Validate your own emotions and those of others. Understand that negative emotions are a normal part of the human experience. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or anxious in response to life’s challenges. Allow yourself and others to express and process them without judgment.
For example, you can set realistic expectations for yourself and understand that constant positivity is not sustainable. And a balanced approach to your emotions is healthier and more conducive to genuine well-being and “Personal Growth.” It’s okay to experience and express all your feelings because learning how to cope with them constructively is a valuable life skill.
Encouraging and normalizing a more balanced and empathetic approach to emotions is essential for overall mental and emotional health. Therefore, you can share a mix of positive and negative experiences on digital platforms to reflect your diverse range of emotions and realities in life. Being genuine about your challenges and struggles only makes you human.
Compassion and Empathy
Create environments where people feel safe to express their inner emotions without judgment or criticism. For example, if someone wants to share their negative life experience with you, show them empathy and compassion. Be a supportive listener and avoid dismissing or minimizing their feelings. However, it is also vital to be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Don’t criticize yourself when you can’t control your negative emotions during distressful events.
In Social Media platforms, you can practice compassion by leaving thoughtful and supportive comments on posts where someone shares a challenging experience. You can also send a private message if you intuitively feel that the person is genuinely hurting.
Engagement and Support
A community support system can help you process your emotions and challenges. And seeking professional help when needed is also essential to manage and cope with any mental health issues that may arise due to toxic positivity. Regarding the Digital Age, for example, you can engage in offline activities with your online friends for support. It will balance your online presence with offline activities that promote in-person connections and genuine experiences.
Then, you can also question the Societal Norms and Social Trends during such support group meetings. Challenge societal and online norms that promote toxic positivity. Encourage discussions about the authenticity and realities behind curated online personas.
However, if you seek general support, clarify with your listener whether you want empathy or advice. For instance, sometimes, people may respond to our expression of emotion in a way that isn’t helpful, not because they don’t want to help but because they make assumptions about how they should respond, such as offering advice when advice isn’t wanted. One way to avoid this is to start the conversation by being clear about your needs.
Balanced Conversations & Education
If you encounter toxic positivity in your relationships, gently educate the person about its harmful effects and encourage more empathetic and balanced communication. You can also guide your friends, family, and social media connections about the consequences of toxic positivity.
For example, you can try a “model of healthy behavior” on your social platforms. You can lead by example in your behavior and communication by embracing a healthy balance of positive and negative emotions.
When discussing personal experiences or issues, strive for balance in the conversation. Foster open and honest communication where individuals can express their feelings without fear of judgment or rejection. Acknowledge both the challenges and the lessons learned. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address negative emotions as a part of a healthy emotional spectrum and encourage open communication to support mental well-being.
By practicing authenticity, self-awareness, and empathy (individually and collectively), we can help create a more realistic and supportive online environment that encourages genuine connections and a healthier approach to digital interactions.
Final Opinion
Most people struggle to heal or transcend because they continue to engage in “Toxic Positivity” instead of “Accepting” their vulnerabilities, shortcomings, and negative traits. Toxic Positivity has invalidated the authentic human essence, resulting in the loss of some of the most genuine emotions in this so-called “Social Trend.” On the other hand, Mental Health has turned into the hottest joke of the century, where people pretend to be sick to get “Likes” and “Followers.”
Then again, we all want to feel optimistic. However, we can’t expect ourselves or others to remain joyful 24/7. Making space for ourselves and all our feelings helps us build our emotional regulation skills. And that helps us become more “Resilient” and find better ways through our challenges. However, there’s another side to it, too. When we embrace all our emotions, we become better able to connect with others. We’re more empathic and apt to support them, setting a safe space for greater collaboration in the workplace, digital platforms, or personal space. Nothing’s lost by facing the truth of a difficult situation. And when you finally get to the other side, no one will need to tell you how to feel.
In conclusion, “Toxic Positivity,” with its relentless emphasis on maintaining a “positive” facade and suppressing negative emotions, can have detrimental effects on mental health and relationships. It invalidates genuine feelings, fosters inauthenticity, and prevents individuals from processing and learning from life’s challenges. Therefore, recognizing and addressing such behavioral traits involves embracing Emotional Intelligence, practicing Empathy, and fostering Open Communication. Encouraging and accepting all positive and negative feelings is crucial for emotional well-being, personal growth, and healthier, more meaningful connections with others.